On being watched…

Okay, so this isn’t so much a story about dating. But it’s an interesting/horrifying story none-the-less. This is more a story about the hazards of being a woman and the stories that have come out as part of the #metoo movement.

This story takes place some time back.

Years ago, in another time and another place, I was hanging out with some friends enjoying a nice summer evening. We were waiting for our friend Jesse to get home from work and then we were going to get ready and go out for a night on the town.

It was a nice summer evening and so as we lounged in the living room drinking glasses of wine we had our sliding door open (with the screen closed) to the outside patio to let in the fresh air.

When Jesse finally got home she walked in and asked, “Did you guys know there’s a guy outside the patio watching you?” I replied, “No Jesse, why would we know that!?!” She said he was creeping around the outside peering over the fence and into the living room where’d we’d been sitting. As it was already dark outside we couldn’t see him, but clearly he could see us!

I instructed everyone to go around the apartment and double check that all the doors and windows were locked and all the blinds were closed. Since we’d experienced incidents in the past, we decided to preemptively call the police and ask them to do a drive by. We told them how uncomfortable we felt and that we’d feel better knowing if the guy was still outside the apartment or not.

As I recall this story in my head I realize two things. 1) I should have told this story sooner, and 2) I’m quite disappointed in the lack of response on the police departments end, especially considering we were in a relatively small town with low crime rates.

Once all the windows and doors had been double checked we felt a lot more comfortable and relaxed a bit. We began to get ourselves ready for the evening and mostly congregated in the bathroom where we were applying makeup and dancing to the music.

As I inched myself closer to the mirror to apply my eyeliner I couldn’t help but notice through the mirror that one of the blinds in the bedroom was slightly askew. This was one of those large, vertical, hanging blinds that were about three to four inches wide a piece. It bothered me to know that there was a possibility someone could still potentially see into the apartment, so I decided to go into the bedroom to adjust it. Just as I got up to the sliding glass door, I noticed a silhouette on the other side with hands cupped around the eyes pressed into the glass peering into the apartment. I wish I could have seen details, I wish I could have seen anything identifying! But really all I saw was the outline of a man. In my mind I imagine a Wilson type character, but really I have no idea what he was wearing or what he looked like.

Needless to say I practically jumped out of my skin and screamed. Probably one of the most horrifying moments of my life. As I ran out of the room slamming the door behind me, we could hear him fleeing the patio, knocking over our chairs on his way out. We shut all the doors locking ourselves in the bathroom and called the police, again, to tell them they needed to come immediately.

Unsure of the location of Jesse’s cat, we weren’t convinced the noises heard inside one of the bedrooms wasn’t an intruder and so we armed ourselves with whatever weapon like object we could find, literally broomsticks and kitchen knives! When the police finally showed up (fifteen minutes later!) we had them search the apartment for us and ensure it was safe and secure.

I’m pretty sure none of us slept there again.

Advertisements

On dating a pathological liar…

What’s wrong with me? I’m too trusting… too forgiving… and I definitely like to see the best in people…

So I guess that’s how I managed to let myself get hurt over and over again by one guy with serious issues.

It all started about six months ago. I had been dating another guy (Peter) whom I really liked, but once he’d told me definitively that he wasn’t interested in anything serious I realized I needed to start dating other men.

So, I went on a date with Leo. Leo was not a bad looking guy and the date was going along well enough, but then I got a text from Peter and decided to cut the date with Leo short to meet Peter at a bar.

I didn’t hear from Leo after that and although I was bothered by it I also didn’t really care, because I was hung up on Peter.

Weeks go by and I match with Leo again, on a different dating app. Leo tells me that he’d enjoyed our date and when I inquired as to why I didn’t hear from him afterwards he tells me he didn’t think I was into it, which in all fairness I wasn’t. However, since I knew I hadn’t given Leo a fair chance due to being hung up on Peter, I agree to a second date.

I had tickets to a baseball game and decided to invite Leo to come with me. We have a great time and I’m happy I gave this guy another chance. He tells me he’ll text me when he’s home, but I don’t hear from him…

Weeks later I get a text from Leo saying he misses me and wants to see me and is disappointed that I never responded to his last text. I’m confused because I never got a text and he tells me he was confused why I never responded.

We agree to another date and I drive out to his neighborhood where we end up at a really nice restaurant and have a great evening together.

The next time we’re supposed to meet my texts go unanswered. He tells me the next day that there was an emergency with his mother and he had to rush to the hospital, fine…

Our next scheduled date he blows me off the night of, making up some excuse that I no longer even remember.

At this point I tell him I’m done! I can’t date someone that’s constantly blowing me off, but he swears it wasn’t a blow off and asks to see me again.

The day comes for our next date and he’s rude and unwilling to meet me on my side of town. So I tell him if he doesn’t want to come see me then it’s not happening. He tries to apologies and schedule another date with me, but I tell him I can’t. He makes up some weird excuse about going through depression and being on medication, and at this point (truth or not) I ultimately decide I don’t want to deal with someone with mental health issues even though I do feel bad.

Months later I’m on another dating app, this time it’s Bumble, and I match with him again. Now I already know what you’re thinking! Why would I swipe right on this loser again?!? Well, this time it was more for curiosity sake because I wanted to see if he would likewise swipe right on me. The great thing about Bumble is the woman has to message the guy first, if not they have no way of contacting you. Surprisingly, or maybe it wasn’t much of a surprise, Leo finds me on my public Instagram page and direct messages me there:

Why did I continue this conversation??? I guess I felt that being a gambler was better than being manic depressive. And I guess I was hopeful that he was telling the truth and that maybe things would be different this time around.

We scheduled a date and he seemed so excited and interested in seeing me again:

I was excited and looking forward to catching up, until I get no response. And, silly me I think nothing of it at first. Hours go by and eventually I realize I’m being blown off, again!!!

My calls and texts are going straight to voicemail and I realize I’ve also been blocked. Go to send him a pissed off dm on insta, I’ve been blocked, but the idiot didn’t think to block me from my other profile:

You’d think that he’d give it a rest and that would be the last of it, but alas there’s more!!!! Hehe, don’t give me that look! At this point I find the whole situation hilarious. And no, I was not going to meet up with the guy at this point. And yes, all of my friends were telling me to block his ass. But I knew it’d make for a great story, and boy was I right:

So, I’m curious to hear what you all have to think! How dumb was I to give this guy so many chances? And what in the world is wrong with him? Gambling? Depression? Bipolar? Let me know what you think in the comments below!!!

On getting stranded in another city…

11855618_10103798594018963_6855527104985111696_nA few years ago I was living in Los Angeles. I met a guy at a party, let’s say some time around the beginning of December (we’ll call him Dick). Dick and I went on a few dates and everything was going well so, naturally, Dick asked me what my plans were for New Year’s Eve. I didn’t have any, so Dick invited me to go to big warehouse party down in San Diego. It sounded like a blast and I was really excited to go.

New Year’s Eve comes around and the plan was for me to drive to Dick’s house, in Orange County, and then he would drive us from there to San Diego, where we would be crashing at his brother’s apartment. We get to the apartment and then pile into a car with his brother and some friends.

The warehouse party was amazing! There were, maybe, four different stages and a big outdoor space with food carts. We had a great time!

Sometime after midnight, we were dancing, when Dick tells me that he and his friends want to go outside to have a cigarette. Knowing that I don’t smoke, he asks if I’m fine alone and I tell him I am. As I continue to dance I’m approached by a guy (because, duh) who starts to dance with me. Now we’re not talking crazy sexy grinding, this is house music! We’re just dancing, facing each other, having a good time. After maybe twenty minutes goes by I realize I haven’t seen Dick in a while, nor any of his friends. I glance around the dance floor, and again outside, but still don’t see him. I shoot him a casual text, “hey, where are you?” But I’m not too concerned and figure he’ll turn up at some point.

Shortly after that, the party is over and the venue is closing. Since I still don’t see Dick and I decide to stand by the exit so that maybe I’ll see him, or his friends, as they make their way out. I even looked in the direction of where we parked, but the truth is I have no idea what the car we came in looked like. As more and more people pass by me I start to freak out. Where did he go? I continue to text and call, but my texts go unanswered and eventually my calls start going to voicemail. What am I going to do?!?

Then an angel appeared… like not the kind with wings, but the human kind that come out of no where and make things seem okay. He saw me standing alone and asked if I was okay. I told him I didn’t know what happened to my ride and he pointed to a huge shuttle bus waiting in the parking lot. He told me he was with a group of friends and they were staying at a hotel down the road. He told me lots of people would be partying in and around the lobby and that if I wanted to come back with him on the shuttle that he would wait with me in the lobby until I figured out my ride. Seriously, an angel! I went back to the hotel and proceeded to text everyone I knew in the San Diego area. But the truth is, it was New Year’s Eve and late into the evening and no one was responding. My guardian angel assured me there were 10+ people staying in the room, both guys and girls, and that I was welcome to crash there for the night. I will be forever grateful for this angel. I don’t remember his name and didn’t get his number, but looking back I wish there were a way I could thank him.

Dick finally responded sometime the next morning. He asked if I’d gone home with that random guy I’d been dancing with (uhh no!) and told me he’d pick me up at some point. Around 1 pm he finally picked me up and drove me back to my car, the 3 hour car ride was spent in complete silence. I never thought I would need to worry about getting home, but ever since this date I’m hesitant to go with anyone anywhere without knowing I have an escape plan if needed, you’ve been warned!

11873787_10103798594173653_2508018958801552936_n

 

On letting it die with dignity…

I went on a first date recently and it was pleasant enough. Granted, I’m always hoping to meet the love of my life, but alas this guy was not the one. We ended the date and he went home.

The next day he texted to see if I wanted to go out again. Yes (I mean no to the date) but yes, I could have responded immediately, however chose not to. A few hours later I get another text asking, “are you ghosting me?” So this time I respond, “Haha, I’ve been with the fam all day. But I don’t know if it’s worth going out again.” Seemed cordial enough to me… you would think he would let it die at that point. Move on with dignity, but instead the following ensues:

In disbelief by the response by this guy, I show my roommate who decides the best way to proceed with this conversation is by gif’s only….

Wow! Now this guy all the sudden knows how I feel? Does he really think these text messages are going to make me change my mind?

Whoa! Rip my dress off? Now it’s getting a little rape-y.

Nice play dude… nice play. Always gotta bring up the C-word.

So guys… don’t do this 👆. I definitely dodged a bullet with this winner!

P.S. Go Dodgers!

The Journey Begins

Why did I decide to write this blog?

Each time the thought occurred to me I’d start to wonder, “what makes my story different from everyone elses?” And as my friends have pointed out, while it is true that many women have probably gone through similar experiences, there are a world of people out there that have not. I’m not trying to be the next Carrie Bradshaw or Lena Dunham, I’m simply trying to share the hilarious, odd, and unbelievable stories I’ve experienced for the sheer joy of making you laugh, smile, or cry.

Thanks for joining me!

Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t. — Bill Nye